by mayberry on August 14, 2007
We’re on our way outta town. Not to eat grapefruit in France or show off our undies in Disneyworld or even stalk Elmo at Sesame Place, though. No, we’re headed to the home of the Steamtown Mall, the Anthracite Heritage Museum, the St. Ubaldo Day Festival, and the (sadly fictional) Dunder Mifflin, Inc. (oh I’m glad I googled that, otherwise I would have missed out on Dwight’s advice on protecting yourself from ninjas). Did you know that Avoca “International” Airport (serving Scranton-Wilkes Barre) does not stock any “Office” goodies? Don’t you think that is a terribly missed opportunity?
Anyway. Heading out tomorrow to visit the mother-in-law, grandmother-in-law, great aunt-in-law, and other assorted -in-laws. Somehow my suggestion “Why don’t you take the kids to visit your mother while I’m at BlogHer” became “Why don’t we all go see my mother for a nice long visit for her birthday.” I am nothing if not dutiful (snort) so we leave tomorrow. Plus the tickets were hundreds of dollars less for this particular weekend (why do you tease me, Northworst Airlines?).
I didn’t line up any guest posters, so here is a round of “two truths and a lie” to keep you busy.
1. There are ninjas in the park by my house every Tuesday and Thursday evening.
2. Put together, my grandmother-in-law’s maiden and married names contain 8 syllables.
3. When I was a kid, our local airport (not in Mayberry) had two gates (“in” and “out”) and the waiting area was a few folding chairs in a trailer.
Take your guesses in the comments, and post your own truths and lies if you’re game.
by mayberry on August 6, 2007
In addition to my self-appointed efficiency expert mantle, I’ve decided that I (and all parents really) can also claim the title Incident Prevention Specialist.
At the end of every workday, rushing to finish one last thing before I put away my laptop and pick up the kids, I contemplate leaving the laptop plugged in and sitting on the table. Then the IPS corner of my brain starts shouting: What if someone trips over the cord and yanks the laptop onto the floor (notice I don’t care if any human sustains an injury; my only concern is for my precious rainbow-adorned laptop)? What if somebody spills milk into the keyboard? What if I have to spend a half-hour deflecting requests to “play a gaaaaaaaaaaame on the ca-puter, Mommy, pleeeeeeeeease?” I take the 48 seconds to unplug the laptop, move it to an out-of-sight, out-of-mind location, clear the junk off the table and leave. Incident, prevented.
Later, I notice with horror that there is only one more ice cream sandwich in the freezer. There are two children, and because the freezer is at floor level they can open it up anytime they want. I immediately eat the ice cream sandwich or at least hide it under a bag of frozen broccoli. Incident, prevented.
Preparing for an outing, I give the kids healthy snacks to eat in the car so I can stave off requests for unhealthy ones later (or I–oops!–neglect to bring any money so that I can’t buy any junk). I plan my route so I won’t pass the snow-cone place or the Dairy Queen or even the pool. I bring a stroller, aka traveling toddler cage. (Yes, I do know how to say “no.” Trust me, I do it often. But it’s nicer just avoiding the whinefests whenever possible.)
It’s like a chess game dealing with these wily kids. You always have to think at least 5 moves ahead. Or else there might be an Incident.
by mayberry on July 14, 2007
Parental Units: C’mon, we’re going to the farmer’s market.
Kids: Yeah!!! Mini-doughnuts!
PU: Um. Yes. Also, what else do they have at the farmer’s market?
Kids, in chorus: EGG ROLLS!
by mayberry on June 18, 2007
Opie (playfully; he’s just been eating penne jammed onto the tips of his fingers): I bite your finger!
Me: No biting. Biting hurts.
Opie: Biting hurts … your FEEWINGS!
*
Whenever a child is injured or hurts another kid, our day care center issues an “ouch report.” When I get one, usually I perversely hope that my kid is the victim and not the aggressor. Lately, however, he’s been the frequent quarry of a serial biter–he is currently sporting no less than four mouth-shaped bruises as a result of this one classmate’s toothiness. (The report never says who the perp is, but my kids will always rat without any hesitation.) One day last week, the teacher turned her back for a few seconds to find me the latest report. Right on cue, the biter chomped on another little girl’s arm.
I love the center and I love the teachers. I think they are doing everything they can to redirect Biter Boy, short of assigning a full-time handler to watch his every move. I know the boy’s behavior is age-appropriate, and there certainly have been times when my child is the one who bites. At home we spend a lot of time talking about how BB needs to use his words when he is mad, and how he is not a bad boy, but his behavior is bad. Still, I found myself trying to tell Opie not to play with him. Then I felt guilty about encouraging him to ostracize another kid at the ripe old age of 2. Because that hurts feewings.
I wished I hadn’t said it as soon as the words left my mouth. What I really hope is that BB outgrows this phase soon. Not so much for Opie’s sake, but for BB’s own.
Edited 6:43 p.m. to add how much this post bit me on the ass: I quote from today’s report: “lots of attempts to bite” and at least one of them was successful. Hello kettle? This is pot.
by mayberry on June 7, 2007
It was when I noticed that the top sheet on my bed was on sideways—and decided not to fix it until the next time I wash the sheets—that I realized: “Efficient” is just “lazy” with a positive spin.
When I eat leftovers straight out of their Tupperware or ice cream from the carton: not lazy! Efficient—I save time, energy, water, dish soap.
Keeping about 25 pairs of shoes in a big pile by the back door: Efficient! No trekking all the way upstairs to find the ones we need. They’re already right here!
Dealing with a dirty tablecloth by flipping it over to the clean side? Efficient!
Leaving dog hair on the floor? Efficient (it only keeps recurring, why not sweep it up every few days instead of every few hours?) and healthful!
What are you lazy about? I’m sure I can find a way to make it into a good thing.
by mayberry on May 16, 2007
This afternoon I had to jam one tantrumming kid under each arm and physically haul them out of day care and into the car. That’s 70 total pounds of screaming, flailing child.
That sucked. They screamed all the way home and then I had to repeat the performance to get them from the car into the house.
I have read, edited, and written hundreds of articles about child development and discipline. I know about positive reinforcement, natural consequences, distracting with humor, choosing your battles. I know all the strategies for preventing meltdowns.
They do me no good whatsoever when I just need to GET IN THE DAMN CAR.
by mayberry on May 9, 2007
How to keep kids entertained for hours at a time, with little to no parental intervention: Drop a load of cash on a backyard renovation, thereby ensuring the presence of Diggers! Trucks! Mixers! Worker guys!
by mayberry on April 11, 2007
Other moms have occasionally told me that they admire my patience with my children. And it’s true that I am pretty good (pretty good, not saintly good) at keeping my cool even when the offspring get ornery. I work hard at reminding myself that they are very small and they really want positive attention. I pick my battles. I distract, I redirect, I vow that we’ll all get more sleep.
And I send them to child care 32 hours a week. That’s secret #1.
Secret #2, and it’s s a dirty one: I vent any and all frustration onto my husband. Speaking of redirection… he gets it all. Kids being bratty? Instead of lashing out at them, I give it to him for not being around, or for saying the wrong thing when he is here. Someone drops/spills/hits something? I can find a way that it’s his fault.
I know it’s not fair, I know it’s not right, and I know I keep doing it anyway.
